Jealous Minds

I think I over-reacted in that last post. It was probably one of the Stretches. Which is to say, the Hub-man's officially on the Bounce, and life is sweet again..! But then, NOW you know how badly I react every time he’s on that bend..! 

But again, I have a history of over-reacting! I over-reacted when my parents wanted to define my career, and ended up in a field I’m not interested in. I over-reacted when my best friend told me she was not going to be coming for my wedding, until I found out that she was just pulling my leg, and ended up with calling over five other guests I did not even care to invite.
And most importantly, I over-reacted when I realized how close the Hub-man’s best friend’s wife and the Hub-man were, and ended up hating the poor girl, even though I hardly knew her..!

It’s plain and simple. I was jealous. I’m still jealous. But I think I’ve started sending out the Mean Vibes whenever her name is mentioned. And I don’t think the Hub-man really appreciated that. I mean how upset would I get if he started sending Mean Vibes to my best friend?! I’d probably over-react, but that’s another story!

The main point is, she and he were quite close. The Hub-man’s best friend is a quiet sort. He doesn’t talk much. On the other hand, the Hub-man and the other’s wife can yap all day long. And combining the fact that the best friend was a bit shy of his new wife, and felt guilty about suddenly abandoning his room-mate/bestie/heart-brother (does this word even exist?!) once she came into the picture, the three of them ended up spending a lot of time doing things together. And I mean A LOT OF TIME!

They had lunch on weekends together. They had dinner on weekdays together. They went shopping and for movies together! And since the best friend didn’t talk much, it was up to these two talkers to hold up the fort. And they got along famously!

I obviously entered this story much later… Nearly eight months after the advent of the best friend’s wife. My hub-man’s a sweetie. When I first moved in to Here, he complimented me on everything. He made me feel like a Princess..!
I’d get special treatment, and sweet teasing, and compliments which made me blush. When I fell sick or cut myself chopping the onion, he’d be all over me with concern. My mistakes in keeping house were accepted lovingly, with a sprinkling of silly comments which made me laugh and blush.
And then a month later, I met the best friend and the wife for a dinner outing. Since my coming Here, the Hub-man’s hanging out with his old gang had reduced drastically. I was nervous because I knew how important they were to him. Add to that I was feeling a bit home-sick for my old friends I’d left behind in the Old City.

And imagine my disappointment, shock and upset at seeing MY Hub-man complimenting the best friend’s wife the same way he did me! And she too, blushed and laughed the same way I did!  During that dinner, there was a long story of how she fell sick and how her legs hurt from exhaustion. And I saw MY Hub-man shower her with concern. Over dessert, there was another story of her cooking adventures, and MY Hub-man teased her just as affectionately just as he did me.
All the special in my Hub-man slowly drained out of me during those grueling ninety minutes..! I was quiet through most of the evening(and for those who know me, me being quiet is a catastrophe!) and in the car, when the Hub-man asked me if everything was all right, and tried to show me concern, I shut him out.

Of course, it was no surprise I returned to my room that night with a whole list of complaints to fire at my Mom and Best friend! That other wife was a horrible person! Attention-seeking! Self-centered! A wannabe! And I hated her and missed my own friends!
I fell asleep crying, thinking that I missed my family and friends. And over the course of the next few meetings, I continued hating the other’s wife.

Only recently did I realize what had happened. And I still hate it that MY Hub-man is not unique with ME. I mean, the best friend did not compliment me the way my Hub-man complimented his wife! I don’t want him to, either. The only person who’s compliments I want is the Hub-man.

At least, I’ve stopped hating the wife right now.. And that’s an achievement, isn’t it?

Intimate Talk

This post contains some intimate talk. This is an ear muff/blindfold warning for all those readers out there with sensitive ears/eyes. If you don’t like intimacy and talking (or reading) about it, go no further! Or your ears (eyes) will be blasphemed..!

So to head to the main point, what I want to know is if men go through some non-intimacy phase. Do they once every few months feel that they need space, literally? It happened to me with the Hub-man the day we came back from our wedding vacation. My extremely romantic husband suddenly turned into this wooden creature which seemed to abhor intimacy!

And by intimacy, I don’t mean ravishing, you know. I don’t really care for ravishing. What I do want is the comfortable intimacy which exists between couples. The holding hands, coochie-cooing, nuzzling of noses…

There are times when the Hub-man is so in-tuned with me, he pulls me close for a hug in the elevator during our short ride from the ground floor to the seventh. Or pulls me to lean against him in the queue at the cashier’s in the middle of a crowded shopping mall. Or creeps up from behind to hold me from behind when I’m standing at the sink scrubbing my face.

But these days… even if I reach out for him, he’ll pull away. Oh, sure! He gets these unexpected bursts of affection at times, when he’ll call out his pet name for me, or when he’ll reach down (yes, down! I’m so much shorter than him! Urgh!) to drop me a kiss. But they’re so infrequent. And if I ever respond , he recoils back into his shell.

The other day, a friend who is to get married soon asked me about the ravishing. She’s nervous-excited about it, and since she and her fiancé have known each other and been waiting to get married for four years, it’s even more beautiful for her. The last time we’d spoken, I’d told her we did it like bunnies. And this time, I had no reply. For it seems with intimacy, the Hub-man’s inclination toward ravishing has gone down too…

Especially since I’m a person with an old school of thought, that it should be the man who should initiate any intimate contact, when the Hub-man pulls away, it feels worse to me. Not only does he NOT initiate anything himself, he does not let my attempt bear any fruit either.

Is it because I’ve put on weight? Has he lost interest in me? Or is it his work, which keeps him pre-occupied too much? Or is it just a phase he’s going through? Because this thing going on is not the Stretch. This one’s much worse than the Stretch!

Someone once told me that the best way to keep a man’s interest is to not let him know you’re too interested. And so, I quell my urge to fling my arms around the Hub-man when he reaches out for me. And I feign dis-interest in anything intimate. As if wanting him with me 24x7 is the last thing on my mind. And I hope that this phase fades away soon. It did fade awat at the time of our wedding, though it took nearly two months to do so!

Believe me, playing games with him is the last thing I want to do, but what you gotta do, you gotta do. Because all I know is, I miss my Hub-man these days…