Unbalanced One at a Time

There was a huge discussion at my workplace the other day. Me, another girl and a third colleague of mine sat in a hushed circle around the computer system gossiping about the facts of Life, and countering the mis-facts the sly little minx throws at us.

Is it possible that physical relationships run out their course in a marriage? Yes, in a marriage, love, understanding and trust are very important. But then, so is romance and touching each other. You love your partner, but do they know it? It always feels nice to be told you’re loved early in the morning, doesn’t it?

But if your child sleeps between you and your partner, and the two of you have terrible work shifts, and you live with your extended family so that little touches of affection become difficult, the marriage turns into a very platonic one. And that’s not what it’s supposed to be, is it?

But there’s a very close and good friend of mine who has a marriage exactly like that. And it works for her.

And finding this out scared the bejesus out of me! So the round table discussion at work that day had me, a newly married person; another colleague who’s been married for five years; a third girl who’s been married for almost an year now.

Now, you have to understand that the third girl belongs to the glamorous range of people. The kind of person who’s always a Settler (HIMYM theory). And the guy who’s married her has to know it. Whilst the five-year-old marriage colleague can identify with a lot of my posts here, the third girl cannot. Because she’s a Settler. And the other colleague and I have balanced marriages with neither partner Settling or Reaching out.

So in this whole discussion, we discussed how often who did what. The five-years marriage said things would settle to weekends-only as time went by, and other responsibilities grew. The one-year-marriage Settler said things still went on at a nightly basis for her. And as for me, at that time of three months into my wedding, I was on an every-day or at-least-once-in-two-days point. A weekends-only as suggested by the five-year-marriage didn’t sound so bad. And then she brings up a point.

‘If it’s weekend only now, a few more years from now, and it’ll turn to ‘once a month’, and then ‘why bother’ soon enough!’

And if I wasn’t disturbed enough already, this made me sit up and cringe right down to my eyeballs!

The Hub-man wondered what was wrong with me when I tried to climb all over him that evening. And when I told him, he started laughing.

I still made him promise that that wouldn’t be us. We’d go out on date nights, I told him, and make sure we stayed connected physically every once a week at least. Yes, we’ll have other things which matter in a marriage too, like respect for each other, understanding and love, but this is important too. A platonic relationship, to me at least, is no marriage at all. It’s what I have with my sister and my marriage has to have that special spark, that difference where I can cuddle the Hub-man at night, and kiss him and hold his hand and feel the love he has for me in the rawest form of love…

Is it only the Settlers who have beautiful love lives all their lives? Do the ordinary Balanced folk turn to platonic relationships as time goes by? Is that how it is in every relationship? Or is it only in some rare cases that such things happen?

And to think I’ve reached that seven-year-phase of marriage (which is how old my friend’s marriage is) within seven months of getting married makes me cry today...

The Making Of

I’m confused. I mean, not that I am ever un-confused. But right now, more so than other times. My mother recently turned 58.  And in a couple more years, my sister and I will be holding a grand sixty celebration for her.

When I called to say happy birthday last week, my mum brought up her turning sixty in just two more years. And with  me and my sister happily married now and settled deep in our own worlds, she claimed that she wanted to bring in her grand six-O with a grandchild on each side of her to help cut the cake.

I told my Hub-man of my mother’s demands that evening as we meandered our way past the baby aisle at the local shopping mart. And to my surprise, and quite a bit of shock, the Hub-man was open to the idea.

So why was I so unhappy?

My love life (or the making of it) is almost non-existent right now. One of my most feared incidents might be about to happen to me (more of that later). This month, we’ve hit the sack for reasons other than sleeping only twice. Yes, I counted. It bothered me so much, I counted it all, even the measly ten or twelve minutes it took us!

And now, with the Hub-man focusing on a child within the next two years, is the spark in my marriage over? Fizzled out, phish, dhoosh, ghoosh?

Okay, admittedly, it wasn’t that the Hub-man was not interested all the time. About a couple of times, I’d be so tired it was me who acted as if I didn’t know he wanted it. And five other days, I was not in the place where I could actually go for it, because I was too busy clogging up something else (if you know what I mean.. Yes, disgusting, I know!). And another couple days where I’d fallen and skinned my knee, so that the Hub-man had to be extra careful while even cuddling me in bed so my leg wouldn’t hurt.

But the romance and the excitement which seemed to push us together all the time in the first half of this year was most definitely missing this month. And that got me thinking.

My Hub-man is above pointing out my weight. He tells me being a little on the heavier side has nothing to do with my looking good or hot. But it’s also been a month since I started putting on weight… And yesterday, the Hub-man commented that my behind looked a bit largish.

Largish! Can you believe it?! Like the bums of all those ladies who have huge behinds. ONLY huge behinds!

So could it be that my being unattractive (I really need to start looking after my looks again!) affects his wanting me?

I act silly sometimes. When we’re at the mall, I’ll reach out for his hand. And he’ll hold it. And then I start to wonder if he’s just holding my hand because I reached out for it, or if he wanted to hold my hand too. And if he does, why didn’t he just reach out for my hand himself? And so, I’ll pull my hand away as if I don’t want to hold his hand.

The first few times I did that, the Hub-man asked me what happened. When I said nothing, he asked me why I pulled my hand away. Now-a-days, however, the he simply glances at me sideways and doesn’t say anything.  And of course, that bothers me too!

So I’ve got hold of a new trick now. So that the Hub-man can hold my hand only if HE wants to, swing my hand with a finger sticking out, so that when my hand hits his palm, he catches hold of my finger. If he wants to hold my hand, he holds on. Or else, he lets go. It’s a win-win for both of us.

And again, in the past few days, he’s held on more than let go.

So why do I still feel as if things have gone cold?

I have a plan now. I mean to lose all this excess weight by our first registration anniversary. That’s the anniversary when I officially became Mrs. Hub-man, though not yet by the traditional way. And then I’m going to seduce him. Put that spark back in our marriage. Do the striptease and dress up and the works, you know.

 And no kids till next Christmas! No even trying ofr kids until next Christmas! Only lots of matchboxes and lighters to get that spark back on. And to make sure it doesn’t go out this time!

Jealous Minds

I think I over-reacted in that last post. It was probably one of the Stretches. Which is to say, the Hub-man's officially on the Bounce, and life is sweet again..! But then, NOW you know how badly I react every time he’s on that bend..! 

But again, I have a history of over-reacting! I over-reacted when my parents wanted to define my career, and ended up in a field I’m not interested in. I over-reacted when my best friend told me she was not going to be coming for my wedding, until I found out that she was just pulling my leg, and ended up with calling over five other guests I did not even care to invite.
And most importantly, I over-reacted when I realized how close the Hub-man’s best friend’s wife and the Hub-man were, and ended up hating the poor girl, even though I hardly knew her..!

It’s plain and simple. I was jealous. I’m still jealous. But I think I’ve started sending out the Mean Vibes whenever her name is mentioned. And I don’t think the Hub-man really appreciated that. I mean how upset would I get if he started sending Mean Vibes to my best friend?! I’d probably over-react, but that’s another story!

The main point is, she and he were quite close. The Hub-man’s best friend is a quiet sort. He doesn’t talk much. On the other hand, the Hub-man and the other’s wife can yap all day long. And combining the fact that the best friend was a bit shy of his new wife, and felt guilty about suddenly abandoning his room-mate/bestie/heart-brother (does this word even exist?!) once she came into the picture, the three of them ended up spending a lot of time doing things together. And I mean A LOT OF TIME!

They had lunch on weekends together. They had dinner on weekdays together. They went shopping and for movies together! And since the best friend didn’t talk much, it was up to these two talkers to hold up the fort. And they got along famously!

I obviously entered this story much later… Nearly eight months after the advent of the best friend’s wife. My hub-man’s a sweetie. When I first moved in to Here, he complimented me on everything. He made me feel like a Princess..!
I’d get special treatment, and sweet teasing, and compliments which made me blush. When I fell sick or cut myself chopping the onion, he’d be all over me with concern. My mistakes in keeping house were accepted lovingly, with a sprinkling of silly comments which made me laugh and blush.
And then a month later, I met the best friend and the wife for a dinner outing. Since my coming Here, the Hub-man’s hanging out with his old gang had reduced drastically. I was nervous because I knew how important they were to him. Add to that I was feeling a bit home-sick for my old friends I’d left behind in the Old City.

And imagine my disappointment, shock and upset at seeing MY Hub-man complimenting the best friend’s wife the same way he did me! And she too, blushed and laughed the same way I did!  During that dinner, there was a long story of how she fell sick and how her legs hurt from exhaustion. And I saw MY Hub-man shower her with concern. Over dessert, there was another story of her cooking adventures, and MY Hub-man teased her just as affectionately just as he did me.
All the special in my Hub-man slowly drained out of me during those grueling ninety minutes..! I was quiet through most of the evening(and for those who know me, me being quiet is a catastrophe!) and in the car, when the Hub-man asked me if everything was all right, and tried to show me concern, I shut him out.

Of course, it was no surprise I returned to my room that night with a whole list of complaints to fire at my Mom and Best friend! That other wife was a horrible person! Attention-seeking! Self-centered! A wannabe! And I hated her and missed my own friends!
I fell asleep crying, thinking that I missed my family and friends. And over the course of the next few meetings, I continued hating the other’s wife.

Only recently did I realize what had happened. And I still hate it that MY Hub-man is not unique with ME. I mean, the best friend did not compliment me the way my Hub-man complimented his wife! I don’t want him to, either. The only person who’s compliments I want is the Hub-man.

At least, I’ve stopped hating the wife right now.. And that’s an achievement, isn’t it?

Intimate Talk

This post contains some intimate talk. This is an ear muff/blindfold warning for all those readers out there with sensitive ears/eyes. If you don’t like intimacy and talking (or reading) about it, go no further! Or your ears (eyes) will be blasphemed..!

So to head to the main point, what I want to know is if men go through some non-intimacy phase. Do they once every few months feel that they need space, literally? It happened to me with the Hub-man the day we came back from our wedding vacation. My extremely romantic husband suddenly turned into this wooden creature which seemed to abhor intimacy!

And by intimacy, I don’t mean ravishing, you know. I don’t really care for ravishing. What I do want is the comfortable intimacy which exists between couples. The holding hands, coochie-cooing, nuzzling of noses…

There are times when the Hub-man is so in-tuned with me, he pulls me close for a hug in the elevator during our short ride from the ground floor to the seventh. Or pulls me to lean against him in the queue at the cashier’s in the middle of a crowded shopping mall. Or creeps up from behind to hold me from behind when I’m standing at the sink scrubbing my face.

But these days… even if I reach out for him, he’ll pull away. Oh, sure! He gets these unexpected bursts of affection at times, when he’ll call out his pet name for me, or when he’ll reach down (yes, down! I’m so much shorter than him! Urgh!) to drop me a kiss. But they’re so infrequent. And if I ever respond , he recoils back into his shell.

The other day, a friend who is to get married soon asked me about the ravishing. She’s nervous-excited about it, and since she and her fiancé have known each other and been waiting to get married for four years, it’s even more beautiful for her. The last time we’d spoken, I’d told her we did it like bunnies. And this time, I had no reply. For it seems with intimacy, the Hub-man’s inclination toward ravishing has gone down too…

Especially since I’m a person with an old school of thought, that it should be the man who should initiate any intimate contact, when the Hub-man pulls away, it feels worse to me. Not only does he NOT initiate anything himself, he does not let my attempt bear any fruit either.

Is it because I’ve put on weight? Has he lost interest in me? Or is it his work, which keeps him pre-occupied too much? Or is it just a phase he’s going through? Because this thing going on is not the Stretch. This one’s much worse than the Stretch!

Someone once told me that the best way to keep a man’s interest is to not let him know you’re too interested. And so, I quell my urge to fling my arms around the Hub-man when he reaches out for me. And I feign dis-interest in anything intimate. As if wanting him with me 24x7 is the last thing on my mind. And I hope that this phase fades away soon. It did fade awat at the time of our wedding, though it took nearly two months to do so!

Believe me, playing games with him is the last thing I want to do, but what you gotta do, you gotta do. Because all I know is, I miss my Hub-man these days…

My Hub-Man, The Nightbird!!

The Hub-man is a night-bird. I mean, he can be up by 5 in the morning, drive over a hundred miles to get to the countryside, tramp all over the grass to take photos, drive back, survive on chips and biscuits and tea the whole day, and stay up half the night after!

Whoever heard of a man who does not need sleep?!

Me, on the other hand? I crashed on the way to the country, crashed on the way back, and collapsed on the bed the moment we entered the house! I need sleep like most people need air. I crave it in the late afternoons when long excel files keep me up. I lust for it in the early mornings when the Hub-man’s alarm announces its time to be up. And most of all, I fight to keep my eyes open by the clock ticks its way to the digit ten!

It’s hard being married to a man who hardly sleeps. It seems to me sometimes, that even when he IS sleepy, he avoids it. As if going to bed early would ruin his reputation of not needing sleep. The way I like to put up an appearance that I love to ride in the rain, even when I don’t want to, and would fight to go for a ride out.

Besides the fact that I hate going to bed alone, it just disturbs me that he’s awake out there. It’s not that I want him in bed to ravish him or anything, but it would be nice to have the Hub-man in bed, next to me, at night, when the creatures of the dark come to raid the house! Besides, the ravishing happens before bed-time. Waaaaay before bed-time!

And it’s not really possible for me to seduce him to bed either, not that I’m a great seductress. I hate getting into those tight nighties, for one, and I really don’t feel like ravishing every single night! Because, really, if I had to seduce him to bed, I’d have to do it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, because that is how often he stays up late!

So we’d gone out yesterday evening, and by the time we got back, it was past ten. By the time I decided to go to bed, it was already nearly midnight. And the Hub-man, when I wished him goodnight, promised to come in soon. At around one-thirty, I wake up to see the lights still on. I called out to him, and I got no answer. And when I walked out to look, he was sleeping on the sofa, with his laptop running!!

I was furious! I woke him up, and he was startled and declared he wasn’t sleeping. When I went in, I turned to see him rewinding the series he’d been watching to catch up on the part he’s missed. I shouted at him then, to watch it the next day!

Later when he came to bed, he placed an arm over me. I didn’t pull away, but I didn’t respond either. When I turned on my side, he reached out slowly, hesitatingly, to hold my hand. When I let him hold it, he quickly pulled it toward himself and fell asleep with his hand over mine.

Yes, that last part had me laughing a bit, to see him scared of my reaction. But I’d rather it never came to that… I’m going to announce a bed-time curfew for him tonight. But since he’s on the Stretch, I’m not really sure how it’s going to go… Sigh, the travails of a married woman, I tell you!

Documented and Filed!

The time it takes to go from one Stretch to the next is three weeks. How do I know? I tabled it (smirk with pride)!

Of course, as every perfect research goes, mine had to be riddled with too many worms! No, no! Not holes, worms!

Week 1: The Stretch has just set in. That would be the cue for my thoughts to begin their waltz. Does he not love me now? Does he get irritated of me much? Is he even attracted to me anymore? Why doesn’t he hold my hand now-a-days!

And yes, we were shifting at the time, so keeping a check on the Stretch duration was just a wee bit difficult..! I mean, when you reach home past midnight, barely able to stand upright, love is not the top-most thing on your mind, is it? Of course, unless you’re obssessed with it - like me!

Week 2: So we’re finally settled in, the Hubman’s parents and mine have come Here, visited and left too. And now, the air is sizzling! We walk on the roads hand-in-hand, don’t let go even while driving, snuggle on the couch all warm and cozy… Where each day spent at work is a day spent missing each other, and the moment we step into the house, we’re grinning like idiots, because we’re looking at each other again. Sigh, Heaven on Earth with my darling Hub-man!

And then it gets a bit too much. The dancing around me is starting to get on my nerves. Is this the same Hub-man who grimaces during the Stretch? Is this the same me who pines for this dancing?!

Week 3: The fervor has lowered, but the passion remains. We’re now holding hands in public, but thankfully not scaring the world with horror teeth-and-gum-display-grins anymore..! The thingies in the house now revolve around intelligent conversations, deeper understanding and comfortable, loving, confident teasing. The Hub-man takes me out, treats me to fancy buys, stuffs me on gorgeous foods and smiles at me at the oddest of times, setting my heart a-tingle!
We’re vacationing at Home right now, and I am predicting that the Stretch will begin the moment we enter Here!!!

Week 4: So now the passion has lowered a notch, and it’s only love which is keeping me going! Yes, you got it! It’s the prelude to the Stretch! THAT infamous, horrible, horrible period is about to begin… And the problem is, I off-set it again!

I fell sick in the bus. High fever, scratchy throat, the usual fall-sick works. And the Hub-man switched mode from Stretch-y Hubman to Concerned, Loving Hub-Super-Man…! Aah, how sweet is my man!

And the story ends with the Hub-man in the Week 1 phase once again! But at least I know what to expect now..! 
But as the saying goes, the Stretch will make my heart grow fonder. And if it's fonder of Cheese-its, don't blame me! The Hubman's stretch is at fault!!!

Baby Blues

When your mind is not at peace, you can’t think about the future..

I’ve been admiring babies the whole of last month. Tiny babies, with mitten-fed paws hurling in the air, and noisy babies let off to dance in the rain, or infants singing themselves to sleep (literally, this kid sang me off too, in the seat behind mine in my overnight bus!!!).

And then I think, I want one too.

Alright, at this point, I need to make it clear that the Hub-man and I are not at the financially stablest point of our lives. What with EMIs and newly married thingies and everything, we’re a bit tight in the money area for now.

And I am physically not up to having a baby at the moment. With work going crazy (and because of the tight money, I can’t take leave or leave my job) and non-stop post-marriage running about, and getting stuff ready for the big move to our new house, I am left exhausted at the end of the day! Imagine adding a huge tummy to add to all that dancing around, and the nausea and dizziness they say, which comes with it..!

And of course… The Stretching. Try as I might, every time the Stretch rears its head up, it makes me feel a bit sick. I feel depressed and hurt, and it’s an effort to let the Hub-man stretch, to push down the urge to grab him back..!

Yes, when he bounces back, and things are in full happy mode, I think I can handle it all! My generosity bubbles over then and I wonder why I had to get so depressed about it when the Stretch was on. I tell myself, I’ll be all bubbly the next time he’s Stretched!

But when it does happen, THAT is when you realize it’s an effort to even keep a smile on your face…

And I’ve been having this fear the last few weeks… Each time the Stretch has come on, I somehow feel it lasts longer than the previous time. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know. But it feels so lonely when it is..

And if I were expecting at this time, wouldn’t it be worse? I’d be wondering all the time if the Hub-man was nice to me or the baby in me. If he was kissing me because he loves me, or if it’s only because I’m having his baby. And being in love with babies so much, the last thing I want is to be jealous of my own child! That would be disgusting of me!

So, no. No matter how much I want one, I’m not ready to have a baby yet… In any aspect of the matter.

So imagine how scary it was when I had a pregnancy scare last week! No, no! I’m not! But for the first time, I felt elation and trepidition in equal amounts, and I didn’t know what to pray for.

Isn’t it the worst when you want a baby, the choice is in your hands to have it, and you have to hope your damndest that you’re not having one?

Letting Him Be...

Praise the Lord, the Stretch is over! The time for coochie-cooing is back..!

So yesterday I was a bit off. While stepping out of the house, I have this ritual, where I peck the hub-man on the cheek, and he pecks me back. But lately I’ve been getting this feel that the peck returned is not meant.

Silly? I don’t think so. Most ladies are able to sense their’s partner’s minds. And my Hub-man’s mind told me that he was pecking for the sake of pecking. Because I would peck his mind if he did not. And bring it up again and again for a whole two weeks as I banged the pan in the sink and the remote on the table.

But I didn’t like this ‘for-the-sake-of-it’ thingie. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was meant from the heart, and he was just avoiding my lipstick. But I didn’t like it, and that was my judgement. Besides it wasn’t just that. He was on the Stretch then, so there were a million other tiny things too. Like squeezing my hand and let go almost immediately if I reach for him. And reacting with a weird smile if I lean against him, only to move away.

So I decided on pay-back yesterday. I was going to give him tit-for-tat. No being affectionate, no leaning against him or reaching for him. And if he wanted to hold my hand, this time I was going to be the one to give it a squeeze and let go!

But then I reach home, and realize the Stretch is over! Hallelujah!

And then I got to thinking. I have so many quirks. Horrible, horrible ones, in fact! I tend to cling, I become angry over the smallest of things, I have too many expectations, and the worst of them all, I expect him to read my mind..!

But he lives with it. Tries to look past these disturbing aspects to what I am within. Tries to love me FOR these quirks, rather than be irritated BECAUSE of them.

So if he has a quirk, a single quirk, where he needs to stretch every few weeks (crazy though it drives me!) can’t I live with it? Do I HAVE to punish him for it each time?

In the last month and a half, there’s not been a single week we’ve not had tension between us. Why? Because I’ve tried to react to his being busy. Whether it be his work, or his Stretch, or even something as mundane as watching a movie on his laptop. Instead, if I let it flow, wouldn’t life be easier?

Today I’ve planned a surprise for him. For a change, I’m going to let him just be.. It’ll give me an edge over our next fight, don’t you think?

And oh, yes! When I think of my marriage now, it brings a radiant smile to my face, making my colleagues wonder what new prank I'm up to now..!!!

A Strength Not to be Misused!

I believe crying is a strength. When I cry, it releases me from within. Otherwise I'm like this tingling nerve-ball, which can't get it's act together. But when I cry, I release that angry tension, and I build up wild scenarios in my head instead. Much healthier, trust me..!
'The Hub-man and I are not talking, and we won't be talking anymore at all, and things are going to remain this way, and he hates me, and our marriage is just going to be huge charade, and it's all over!' Nice, huh? Oh, trust me, this is one the milder scenarios!
But when I cry, I like to do it in private. Tears don't come to me easily. And when they do, they come right from within. It's a private thing. Sure I wish I could use it to emo-blackmail the Hub-man, but, no. That wouldn't be fair, now, would it? And it would absolutely decimate the value of my tears.

So the point is, I never cry around the Hub-man. And so yesterday, after I'd stormed off to my room, I stayed there a bit to cry. Everything seemed so very overwhelming!
I mean, it's just been two months since our wedding (technically, it's one month and 30 days) and we're already fighting. Sometimes it's his work, sometimes it's nothing. The last whole month, not a week has gone by when there wasn't this weird tension between us. Yes, there have been days I wish I could capture in a golden frame, but also these horrible, horrible days too!
I received a mail today, which said it hoped to find me in good health and prosperity. And my thought was, yeah, but what's the point?
Should marriage reach such a point within a few days that you feel hopeless? Shouldn't marriage, when you think of it, bring a smile to your face? Or is it alright that you think of your Hub-man and wish things were better? That you miss him, and want to be with him? Want him to want to be with you?

I have security issues. I find it hard to believe that the Hub-man loves me. That I'm someone he would actually WANT to spend the rest of his life with. And especially after days like yesterday, the feeling only worsens...

So yesterday, after my crying bout, over dinner, I was very quiet. He was quiet too. To my mind (with the insecurity and the wild scenarios), he was irritated with my silence, and couldn't be bothered to set things right. But as I was leaving for bed after some time, he caught my hand. And I couldn't hold it in anymore. I broke down crying to him.

Disgusting, I know! And of course, things became a bit better after that, because the Hub-man was really freaked by the water-show..! Of course, I couldn't tell him why I was crying, because as I've been told once, you should never have a serious discussion when you're crying, or the Hub-man agrees to everything just out of intimidation! And that's not a real discussion.

Now, if only I could demand my birthday gift in this manner...

Cheese too much?

I don't get angry. This means that I don't shout and scream and hit out in anger at the person next to me. Nope, not at all. What I do get is a Silent Angry. And when THAT happens, you don't want to be around me. I close up the air when I get that. There'll develop a strange silence in the house, and to my face you couldn't say what is wrong, but you KNOW that something is VERY WRONG.
But the irony of it all is, I cannot bear it when the reaction to my being Silent Angry is the Hub-man getting angry in return. That bursts the silence like a pin bursting a beautifully crafted balloon figurine!
So yesterday, something was wrong. Like I said, the Hub-man is in Stretch zone right now. He's this silent brooding guy right now, someone I feel like I have to walk on egg-shells around. All while trying to keep up the charade of being merry (reference, 'Men are from Mars..' And yes, I know! I know!)!!
Add to this that we're moving into our first, own home at the end of next month, and our parents are coming to stay with us. For all of three days! Disappointing. Very disappointing. I mean, who else do we have to share our house with Here?
And my sister's been out of touch the last couple weeks. The time difference separating the to of us makes it really difficult for us to keep in touch, and the last couple of weeks have been really hectic at both our ends, stretching (I'm starting to hate the word..!!) our limits and conditions (and terms. Kidding.)
So all in all, my patience has been pulled REALLY thin and I feel as if I'm walking on a high-tension wire the whole time. And yesterday, when the Hub-man seemed COMPLETELY out of humor, it really tested my endurance. I said something (I don't remember what, but since I said it, it must have been something NICE!) and he said, 'Okay.' And I was like, 'What?' And somehow the conversation turned to something about me being cheesy.

Yes, I'm cheesy. I love cheese, and sometimes cheesy is nice! But, according to the Hub-man, sometimes I get TOO cheesy. I said , 'Ok-aaay.' Now, for anybody who knows me, the 'ok-aaay' is a warning sign. But to the hub-man who was engrossed in the poll estimations, it was lost. I asked him to tell me how. And to the poor guy already out of humor, it wasn't really a fun conversation.
To cut the long story short, I said at the end, 'Fine!' And a couple of minutes later, I stormed off into the bedroom.

Sigh... Can someone fetch me the cheese-knife please?!!

Learning No Three (Or is it fifty?)

I wouldn't say I'm the dullest pea in the pod, but I'm not exactly great at GK. I mean, yes, I'm a marketing post-grad, but I don't usually pay attention to the details which follow. For example, I couldn't care less whether Good Day biscuits belong to Brittania. I couldn't even be bothered to know if Good Day and Brittania are two different brands, or a sub-brand!
Blasphemous, I know, and that, too, I don't care!
The important thing is, and which I know for sure, is that I'm bright. If I like something, I'm not only good, I'm awesome at it! Nobody can beat me, fair and square, or even by the crooked finger method! Take writing for example. If I weren't so lazy, and found the time to complete my manuscripts, I'd be the number one writer in the world right now! Even if I say so myself... Sigh!
But I realized today, that it's important to show to the Hub-man that I am bright. I mean, how long has he known me? Four months? Five, at the most? And three out of those were spent being polite to each other, trying hard to get in each others' good books!
He knows I write. When he reads my blogs or novel write-ups, he gets hooked. Excited to read the next part. And he knows I'm witty, cool, bright. But when faced with a constant deluge of unawareness, just because I can't be bothered, is it possible he thinks me not smart..?
I left for work before him today, and as usual, dropped him a message to let him know that my wild-driving hadn't kill me yet. He replied after he reached work that his safe driving, despite the maniacal driving of others on the road, had reached him safely to work too.

As is his habit, he wished me a good day at work. In keeping with my new ideology, I replied, 'You have a good day too, and a Britannia after that!'
Yes, yes, don't get on my back! Good Day is a sub-brand of Britannia!! I know that now, because the Hub-man sent me a message telling me so right after! The worst thing is, he didn't reply when I dropped him a normal acknowledgement message first. What he did say in the message he sent (filled with funny smilies to soften the blow) was to change Britannia to Cream Crackers or Bourbon if I insisted on using the joke again (my ridiculous jokes bring the reason for his continual good-humored frustration). Why? Did he worry I might use the joke again, and it might result in somebody else ridiculing my lack of GK?


He was in one of 'those' phases again. You know, the 'stretching away' phase? Maybe that was what made it worse, I don't know... On the returning from the stretch, but on the stretch all the same! And it is possible this incident pushed him on the forward stretch again. Because, yes, when you think your partner's not smart enough, it can be a turn-off..
When you're smart, you gotta prove to 'em you're smart! Why behave stupid? Or why be like, 'Oops! I got my foot in my mouth again!'? Because if you do, it becomes embarrassing to be corrected by the one person you're trying to impress! And then you gotta accept that he just wants to protect you and live with that hat!

The Transition

Life at home is nice. Comfortable, ie as comfortable as it can get at your in-laws place. Trust me, when your mom-in-law insists you relax while she clears up the kitchen, things get fidgety within you! Especially when there's nothing else to do but go grab an afternoon siesta while the poor lady works away..!
But I survive. There have been a few instances when I've felt I behaved a bit with the mom-in-law as I'd do with my own mum, and then spent hours wondering if I'd been rude..! But she's pretty cool. Different, but cool.

BUT I'm much more comfortable Here, a whole eight hours away. I miss Home, wish I could go back more often, but it's comfortable Here.

So imagine my disappointment when the Hub-man went into what I have learnt to call his 'Stretch' zone the first time we came Here. It had been a grueling twelve hour drive in stormy weather, and we were exhausted. I missed home like crazy, and the Hub-man really did not help when he disappeared into the 'Stretch' zone the day (or the night, to be precise) we landed.
The Stretch zone is defined in the book 'Men are from Mars..' as the instance when the Man feels that he has achieved whatever it is that he had to achieve. He feels he has got his love, and his life is exactly where he wants it. He now needs to find himself, and for this, he stretches away from the Woman, taking time to be with 'Himself'. No, he doesn't go off anywhere, it would be easier if he did! He is right there, just lost away from you, within himself.
Yes, I know, I know! Taking knowledge away from these kinda books is the first road leading to a bad relationship! But it's true! And as I have learnt in the case of the Hub-man, if we've spent a particularly loving day or weekend together, I can expect him to disappear the next day. And he won't even know what he's doing.

Thankfully, the first time he pulled that on me, I was prepared. Upset, but prepared. I had read the book from cover to cover way back in my graduation, and the phrase 'Rubber-band stretching away' jumped at me when he seemed to disappear into thin air right in front of my eyes!

The book said to leave him be. If I clung or lost my cheerfulness, his stretch would lengthen and stretch until he had completely withdrawn from me. Because apparently, he needs that space sometimes. The only thing is that after I've spent an entire day at work agonizing over his 'Stretch', I return home to find a whistling Hub-man acting all normal.

That's enough to drive the sanest of them up the wall, and for bat-crazy people like me, it can really get murderous!!!

And after the Bride is no longer the Bride!

I bubbled with love the evening we came home from the wedding. Every time I looked at my husband, my newly married, tip-top, shining husband, I felt this small fountain inside of me pool up and flow over my face. And what made it even more heavenly was that I saw it on his face too. We were surrounded by his relatives on all side, but all I knew was that I wanted to be with him. Alone.
Yes, cheesy and freaky as it sounds, I didn't want to share him. With anybody else. For even five minutes! I hated it that he stood off to the side with his cousins and friends at the weekend lunch, and that he was out of my reach, and even sight, at the family dinner. By the time the weekend rolled over and Sunday crawled to a close, I was counting down to the seconds when I would have my Hub-man all to myself.
And then I realized I was too exhausted with the the whole week that had gone behind us to do anything about it!
So I was happily married all of seven days, when we went on our honeymoon. It was a beautiful resort in the middle of no where, I tell you, and it was amazingly private. All around us were happy honeymooners, cuddling together, holding hands and coochie-cooing to the 'oohs' and 'aahs' of the resort staff.
And MY darling Hub-man had issues with PDA.
I mean, seriously?! Here?! Where all around us happy couples of OUR age and OUR type, ALL NEWLY MARRIED are coochie-cooing together, you have an issue with holding hands?! Of course, when we were walking on path alone, or sharing an umbrella from the heavy downpoar, there was some coochie-cooing from our side too..
But, it felt lonely when he sat in the coffee shop, checking mails on the wi-fi, a whole table away. Why did he think the resort was built with no wi-fi anywhere else, and designed to block cell phone signals all around?

And that was our honeymoon. A four-day outing, out of which two were spent travelling to and forth, and the other two trying to slack away our exhaustion..! Yes, it was beautiful. It was lovely. I fell in love with my Hub-man's attempts to make me happy, and to make sure I was comfortable and got everything I needed at all times.
The only problem was, I needed him more than anything else...

He doesn't usually pick up hints. He find it  hard to adapt to change. He prefers capturing single shots of me to asking someone to capture both of us in a single frame, even though it's out honeymoon. But he tries. And that is the most heartbreaking-ly beautiful thing about my Hub-man...

Being the Bride!

I love my husband. My family's awesome, and my parents, sister and friends have made life that much more beautiful for me, but the Hub-man is the best thing that has happened to me in a long, long time (discounting of course, the everyday goodies which a person gets used to in life), the last best thing that happened to me being over ten years ago! And believe me you, ten years is a really long time of waiting, especially if your everyday life is a drudge of work-sleep-work, weekend outings to the mall and back, and bi-monthly outings home to visit your parents. And even more if you're someone who is in love with weddings, and have wedded off a mix of four siblings and cousins in a single year!
I've wanted to be in a wedding of my own ever since my uncle got married back in the early nineties. His bride was welcomed into her new home with such love and adoration it made everybody's eyes tear (and after too, but that's a story for another time!!!), and her bridal trousseau was so beautiful it made me fall in love with weddings.
Ever since that one wedding, every other wedding I've attended I've done so with a singular aim in mind; Learning to be a 'Bride'. How does that work? Don't ask me, I attended the course and failed miserably. I was the most shameful bride ever!
For starters, I couldn't blush. Have you ever heard of a bride who doesn't blush? The photographer made me and the Hub-man pose in various lewd positions, on the stage, in front of our entire families, and I couldn't blush! How much more embarrassing could it get, I ask you!
I had to bite off a tiny piece of clove the Hub-man held in his teeth (and where I come from, even TOUCHING is a no-no in public!!!), and I didn't blush. I had to literally balance myself on his arm while i crossed over a pool of fire and brimstone (kidding, it was only boiling oil), and I didn't blush. I had to wipe snot off my nose at the end of the wedding into a much abused kerchief and I didn't blush!!
Twelve years of studying brides gone down the drain... Sigh!
BUT! I was a bride...! And I have a smart, dashing, tall, broad-shouldered hunk of a Hub-man to prove it!!! But after the Being a Bride part is over, more thingies follow... Thingies not so easy to adapt to. The most difficult of them all being that the focus has to shift from Being the Bride to Being the Wife!! Sigh... Wedding to Marriage. The Transition!
Now if I can only drag my eyes away from those broad, broad shoulders a minute, I'll take some time out to write out a bit of the other thingies which involve the wedding.. Marriage! I meant marriage!

Yes. Marriage. So see you 'round again!